Life Under 23 kg

Posted on May 21, 2013 by Becky

After nearly two years of living out of a suitcase, it’s the weight of my life.

Of course, my metaphorical baggage is far greater. I’m certain no plane would clear the runway if we were required to check-in our personal stories of woe.

What’s Your Baggage?

Baggage: originating from the word luggage, meaning ‘that which needs to be lugged about’ or in Samuel Johnson’s 1755 dictionary, ‘any thing of more bulk than value.’

Baggage suggests burden; the weight of a past life we’d prefer to leave behind. Hardly the same items we’d hand-pick to accompany us on our travels, or worse still, pay to have stored indefinitely.

Case in point, the treasured items I so carefully selected and boxed up before leaving Vancouver now carry little meaning. A small print of a scarlet fishing boat bought in Nova Scotia, and my Emma Bridgewater coffee mugs are the only things that stir up any longing, the rest having been forgotten almost entirely.

So what was important then, isn’t anymore.

Without a home, living light is a necessity. With no place to sort and organize clothing in draws and closets my seasonal clothes get pulled out of, or shoved back into, a large black tote stored in a friend’s basement. It’s often easier (but not easy) to dispose of them along the way.

How about you?

Every now and again it’s good to ask ourselves, “What would my life be like without this…book, picture, knick-knack, drawing, coat, necklace, clock, scarf, table, shell, lamp, candle, gadget, cushion …?”

Unless it brings you alive, it’s very likely time to let it go. The Universe needs space for the new to enter. We know this when we ‘spring clean’. But what would it be like to ‘winter clean’? To ‘fall clean’? Or for every purchase of some thing new, remove another?

As my friend Moley would say, “G’wan”. Give it a try.

It takes a long time for many of us to let go of the things we think we need. What we need aren’t so much things (unless they add some huge comfort or joy to our lives), but rather experiences.

But there’s now’t as queer as folk

-The Full Monty-

Travel Tip

If you’re in the market for a new suitcase, I’d highly recommend an IT-0-2 Super Lightweight Two Wheel Trolley Case 72cm suitcase. Weighing less than 2kg it’s helped make my life under 23kg feasible.

(purchased at Wanderlust, West 4^th Avenue, Vancouver)

With Rachel’s blue and white bandana tied around the handle, it welcomes my arrival at every place I call home.

Image: Flickr ’23′ by fraumrou

Joyful Mourning! Seriously?

Posted on April 25, 2013 by Becky

“I feel that Ron’s life and death turned my life around.
His daily way of being really alive and the shock of his death woke me up to life, and myself. I often thank him for having given me those gifts, and feel grateful he was in my life. He taught me how to treasure life.”

-SR-

Sharing personal stories allows us to learn from others’ experiences. Telling our story to people who listen and care is profoundly healing. As the above excerpt shows, we may even come to see that grief can change us in good ways.

To find out about the book Joyful Mourning, please visit Book on the home page, or go directly to http://blivingrock.com/how-to-submit-a-story/ to see the different options available for contributing a story.

A big THANKS to the lovely folk who have already shared their stories, either in writing or by interview.

Making a contribution is now easier and quicker (especially if you prefer talking over writing).

I invite you to take a moment, and ask, “Who might like to know this opportunity exists?” Please send this message on to him or her. At the very least, they know you’re thinking about them (always a lovely thing). At best, you may open a door they’re ready to open.

Thanks for your support,

Becky

Please send questions or comments to becky@blivingrock.com or use the Contact form on the Home page.

P.S. You’re also invited to…

Visit my Facebook page, Joyful Mourning, that launched last
summer. As a place to share the joy inherent in loss, it attracts new visitors daily.
Check it out and pass on to anyone who might be interested. http://facebook.com/joyfulmourning101

Walk Me Home: My Article for the BC Cancer Agency

Posted on April 5, 2013 by Becky

Hi there,

Feeling proud* of the article ‘Walk Me Home’ I wrote for the BC Cancer Agency, so wanted to share it with you all.

(*happy, nervous, sad, grateful)

Afterthought: I realize now that the trepidation came in knowing the audience of this publication…those living with a brain tumour and their families. I recall being given this brochure every time I went to the BCCA and skim reading it; far more pressing matters were at hand. What my article says is the reality nobody wants to hear; that so, so many people die of a brain tumour. Who wants that kick in the pants? All the time while writing it I felt such sadness for the potential readers, remembering what it was like to be on the other side of all this.

Headlines Spring 2013

God On The Rocks

Posted on March 3, 2013 by Becky

“Please let there be no one at my rock,” I’d whisper silently, picking up the pace. The deeply wooded trails behind me, I’d step out onto the promontory of rock and take the giant breath I’d been holding inside for too long. It was here at the edge of the world, all sky and ocean, that my body could lift the mask from its daily façade.

In the months following my daughter’s diagnosis, a visit to this sacred spot became a weekend ritual; the one place I could find solace in a world falling apart around me. Lighthouse Park, a summation of all that’s beautiful about Vancouver, was my go-to place.

I’d head directly to the pocket of rock carved, it seemed, just for me to hunker down and take refuge from the world. Most times I went there to cry, for a life that was ‘never meant to turn out this way’. Other times I would talk to ‘God’, the Universe, whoever might be listening. “I wish for a long and healthy life for my daughter Rachel,” I’d say out loud, hoping that audible prayers might take precedence over the silent kind.

In later months when the sun had warmed deep in the Earth I’d lay back, arms outstretched on the ancient rock letting it absorb all of me, the weight of worry shifting from me to Her, without question or conversation, judgment or sympathy. Some alchemical healing began to work its magic.

When my daughter’s tumour was thought to be malignant, my rock beckoned more and more. Conversations with ‘God’ came thick and fast. Then came that unforgettable day. Curled up on my side, the hypnotic motion of waves and tide had held me captive for hours. I needed to begin the journey home. As I peeled my body from the rock and opened my eyes I saw it; the most perfect rainbow plastered across the skies of West Vancouver’s shoreline. A new bout of tears clouded my vision. But this time, I was smiling too. Certain that my spoken prayers had been heard, I lay down again and listened. Here’s what ‘God’ had to say:

“There’s always beauty in pain. Go find it.

And don’t worry, I’ve got this one.”

Never before or since did I believe in the power of prayer or feel accompanied by something larger, so much as on that day.

Each time I see a rainbow I smile at the memory of that day’s vision. I know now that great beauty originates in the graceful acceptance of sadness. As Marcel Proust said, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”

Unlike grief, nature is predictable. Its ebb and flow, its seasons and cycles offer us hope when little else can. To find our special places in the natural world is a calling we each must discover. My rock at Lighthouse Park, a meeting of land and sea, was the place I found to grapple with profound and painful change. Where’s yours? Where do you go to find peace, to mend your heart, maybe even talk to ‘God’?

Becky On Bucket Lists

Posted on February 7, 2013 by Becky

I recall watching ‘The Bucket List’ during a 5-hour ferry ride from Nova Scotia to Maine back in 2008. I remember it because I was attempting to knit my first ever pair of socks while on board. It seemed like a pretty entertaining movie, at least what I saw of it, but maneuvering four double-pointed needles is hardly a smart choice – ever.

Since that time, stuff has happened that cast a whole new light on the Bucket List thing. I’ll spare you the details. I’ve been reminded that ‘now’ is the only time we have. No postponing. No contingencies. No Bucket List for me.

“What will you cross off your Bucket List in 2013?” was the question Dana Sitar asked those of us who signed up to ‘A Writer’s Bucket List’ Launch Team. It’s the title of the book she released earlier this week to much deserved fanfare. If you want to get back into writing and feel stuck for ideas, you’d do well to get hold of a copy. Dana could rightfully place a giant tick beside her list, and it’s only February!

If you follow my blog you know I advocate for a ‘One Day At A Time’ approach to life, the kind I figure Eckhart would approve of. So it left me in a strange position. Constructing a thoughtful piece on a Bucket List…an array of things one hopes to do but often neglects until the end is fast approaching…seemed incongruous.

But then I realized Dana epitomizes the ‘One Day At A Time’ lifestyle so I’d start there. Last Spring, with her internet connection down, she got to work on this book, ‘The Writer’s Bucket List’. For the past six months she’s traveled all over the U.S. and now divides her time between four of its cities. Her second great obsession is stand-up comedy. She writes about it, performs it, and even lives with a comic, all of which likely accounts for her upbeat, can-do attitude. She even looks like fun.

So for Dana, I’m making an exception. Here’s what I shall cross off my Bucket List in 2013. I’m doing it one day at a time.

Complete, and launch the book Joyful Mourning. Get it into the hands of EVERYONE who wants to know that grief can change you in good ways; that you can live with joy despite loss; that it’s the best way to honour your own life and the memory of a loved one.

P.S. If you want to contribute a story, article or poem to the book please visit http://blivingrock.com/joyfulmourning for more information.

P.P.S. I never made another pair of socks

http://writersbucketlist.com/challenge

How’s Your Wobbly Factor?

Posted on January 24, 2013 by Becky

Change is constant. How we experience change…that’s up to us.

-Meredith Grey-

While a few crave change, most of us avoid it like the plague. Change knocks us off centre, makes us wobbly and uncomfortable. But when life gets tough, change offers us the hope that things will get better. Three years ago I said goodbye to my daughter, Rachel. Without faith in the power of change I’d have remained emotionally paralyzed.

Life is full of endings, full of goodbyes; change. Even as we finish the last piece of a chocolate bar we’re reminded that nothing lasts forever. Poet David Whyte suggests 50% of life is saying goodbye; until we absorb that reality we’re easy prey for depression and anxiety. Besides, one day we’ll have to give it all away. Everything. Maybe if we practice we’ll be better prepared for that Big Goodbye.

We just have to open our fingers, loosen our grip.

Daehyun Kim

As Tim Kreider reminds us in this week’s New York Times: “You are older at this moment than you’ve ever been before, and it’s the youngest you’re ever going to get. The mortality rate is holding at a scandalous 100 percent.”

We all have a date of birth, and a date of death at yet unknown. Until that day maybe it’s worth shaking things up, practice feeling wobbly: sit somewhere different, give a gift anonymously, do something others might describe as ‘not like you.’ Call it prep work. Detachment from attachment.

Changing my living situation every few weeks keeps me wobbly. Trusting that everything happens at the right time inspires a calm resolve and intuitive faith in life as it is…traits absent from an earlier life that left me ill prepared for massive change.

“How we remember our lives trumps how we experience them,” claims neurosurgeon and cancer-survivor Allan Hamilton. Today I shall reframe my thoughts about Rachel’s departure from this world. Rather than think of it as the date of her death, I shall celebrate memories of the 8533 days she lived.

“Cos’ I gotta feelin’…”

-The Black Eyed Peas-

Sources

Grey’s Anatomy, Season 7, Episode 1

You Are Going to Die by Tim Kreider

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/01/20/you-are-going-to-die/

7 Ways to Make Happiness Last by Allan Hamilton

http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=378

David Whyte workshops

http://www.davidwhyte.com

Begin With The End In Mind

Posted on December 30, 2012 by Becky

So much is written about New Year’s Resolutions. Some love them, others think they’re for the birds. Not a believer in goal-setting culture (it suggests either accomplishment or failure), I concur with the latter.

Stephen Covey had it right when he suggested we ‘Begin With The End In Mind’ as one of his 7 Habits. How well did you live this one wild life you’ve been given? How might others speak of you after you’ve died? Let’s put our energies toward these kinds of questions as the New Year arrives. No goals, just big picture stuff.

So, it got me thinking about my own intentions and questions for 2013. They read something like this:

Continue to live with joy, and in joy
Remind myself that meaning can only be found from within, not from the external world
Be open to wherever life takes me, to whomever I meet, and to whatever happens; listen to what they show me about myself
Consider how I can help others
Let others know how they help me. (I’m getting really good at this:) It’s a Think Win-Win, another of Covey’s 7 Habits.

My external world is HUGE and I love it. It allows for opportunities for my inner world to blossom and grow (Edelweiss-like) through wonder and gratitude for what I DO have, not for what I don’t.

I relish the movement not as an escape from, but as a mirror to my soul – to what my future self might look back on and thank me for.

This constantly changing world awards endless practice in letting go and saying goodbye; things I used to hate (most of us do) yet in the past required me to do against my will, and too often! Now I choose a lifestyle that welcomes endings, hoping it heals and softens my resistance to change.

2012 has taken me from Australia to San Francisco, awarded me infinite beauty, choice times with friends and family, and more joy and laughter than I remember even as a child.

So, from a friend whose eloquent voice says it all:

I hope that 2013 unfolds in a way that meets your heart’s desires … and that you and those you love will be blessed in those ways that matter most.

6 Budget-Smart Tips to Get the Best of New York City

Posted on November 27, 2012 by Becky

How would it be to visit New York City without seeing a Broadway show? The view from the Empire State Building? An Opera or Ballet? Would you still go? Would it be worth it?

New York conjures up images of high fashion, live entertainment, famous landmarks and incredible museums. But what about the ‘other’ New York, the one more than eight million people call home?

Thanks to a very generous friend who opened her door to me (fortunately she loved my cooking), my recent visit to New York grew from three weeks to six. Strolling in Central Park shortly before my departure, I was stopped by a French couple waving and pointing in vain, as they tried to make sense of their map.

“Excusez-moi madame, 5^th Avenue? Le Guggenheim? You know?”

“Yes, I know,” I smiled, happy to have been considered a local. “Come with me, I’ll show you the way.”

After calling this place ‘home’ for a while, I came up with 6 Tips for getting the most out of your time, and the least from your pocket, while visiting New York City.

1. Walk Everywhere

NYC is a walker’s mecca with parks lining Manhattan’s perimeter: Riverside Park (Upper West Side), Carl Schurz Park (Upper East Side), Battery Park (Lower Manhattan), and the big one, Central Park (see #2)

The Highline is a true gem. ‘An historic freight rail line elevated above the streets on Manhattan’s West Side’,
completed in 2011.

http://thehighline.org/about/park-information

Little Italy and Greenwich Village are well worth a visit. A stroll over Brooklyn Bridge into Brooklyn Heights affords wonderful views of Lower Manhattan.

Take in a neighbourhood walk to see apartment pooches being walked en masse, toddlers with nannies, and street vendors selling fruit and veg for a song. Walking, you overhear countless languages, and on Sunday afternoons, cheers emanating from bars broadcasting the NFL game.

2. Explore Central Park

Central Park stretches from 59^th Street to 110^th Street in the heart of Manhattan. With 58 miles of trails it keeps its many runners, walkers, and tourists happily occupied. This vast space of playgrounds, picnic sites, outdoor theatres, fields, baseball diamonds, lakes, a reservoir, a carousel, a castle, and a skating rink, has to be the best park a city could offer its people.

Spend time wandering in Central Park and you’ll be constantly amazed by the variety of entertainment; musicians playing everything
from sax to harp, dancers performing ballet to hip-hop, wedding couples being photographed. There’s even a giant bubble blower and a guy telling jokes for a $1. You start to get an idea of its obvious appeal.

3. Take Advantage of Special Offers

Unless money is no object, do some homework before arriving in New York about where to find deals and offers. Broadway theatres offer stand-by tickets at http://www.tdf.org Here are a couple of others:

* Save yourself the $25 admission to MoMa by visiting on Fridays between 4-8 pm for FREE.

* The Metropolitan Opera House offers $20 tickets ($25 at weekends) two hours prior to show time. (Depending on the opera, regular priced Orchestra tickets run at $150 and up.)

4. Discover Movie Locations

New York may have been featured in more films than any other city in the world! Wandering around you suddenly find yourself in movie locations. It’s kind of fun! Central Park probably tops the list (think Kramer vs Kramer, Marathon Man, The Out-Of-Towners). Scenes from You’ve Got Mail were filmed on the Upper West Side; Sex in the City, on the steps of the New York City Library; Serendipity, at the Rockefeller Centre; Moonstruck, at Lincoln Centre for the Performing Arts. The famous deli, Zabars, at Broadway & 80^th is mentioned in numerous TV shows (Will and Grace, The Daily Show, 30 Rock). The list goes on.

Grab a bowl of homemade soup and check out the pictures
of Jerry and friends lining the walls at Tom’s Restaurant at 2880 Broadway, the diner in Seinfeld.

5. Window Shop

This is New York City, not the place for a bargain, unless you head over to Chinatown. But it costs nothing to browse, or try on designer wear in Bloomingdales (59^th & Lexington) or for the brazen, in one of the many Madison Avenue boutiques. It only costs money when you BUY.*

SoHo’s high-end designer stores are housed along lovely narrow cobbled lanes, and the Meatpacking District enjoys a wonderful outdoor market, a beer garden and is home to designer stores the likes of Alexander McQueen and Stella McCartney.

* It’s worth making an exception if you’re looking for shoes. Harry’s Shoes at Broadway & 83^rd carries footwear from around the world. The selection is huge, the price range too.

6. Be Entertained off Broadway

New York City is blessed with a constant stream of speakers and presentations. Here are some great options:

92^nd Street Y (www.92y.org) for poetry readings and author visits. We lucked out with a night of Mary Oliver. Nick Hornby was scheduled to read a couple of nights later.

Hunter College – Special Events and Writing Workshops http://www.hunter.cuny.edu/thewritingcenter-ce/special-events

Juilliard School. We attended a master class with pianist Richard Goode.
http://www.juilliard.edu

The Irish Arts Centre celebrates this much-loved culture with a whole array of musicians, authors…and Guinness. http://www.irishartscenter.org

If you’re considering a trip to NYC in the near or distant future, I hope you find these tips useful. They certainly allowed me to see the best of this wonderful city…with money left for a plane ticket home.

What would you add to this list? Share your ideas in the Comments for all to see.

Oh, Sandy

Posted on November 2, 2012 by Becky

We all have memories of life-changing moments in history. Remember when Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon? When the planes hit the Twin Towers? In December, 1980 a bunch of us came to New York City. It was two days after the shooting death of John Lennon. I remember it well. Now, after Sandy’s onslaught, I’m reminded not only of how well this city handles adversity, but how we confront the many surprises in life.

Here’s how I saw it from the 11^th floor:

Saturday, October 27

New York awaits her arrival. They’ve seen her coming for the past week. New Yorkers ask me, “You ready for the storm?”

Sunday, October 28

2pm: I head out for water, wine and food for dinner. The neighborhood deli is cleared out. I nab the last piece of beef for a stew I hope will feed us for a few days. The line-up winds around the store. A 15-minute wait. Hardware stores run out of flashlights, home stores of candles. The watchful eyes of meteorologists ply the weathermen with warnings, calling all those in Sandy’s projected path to prepare for the worst. Street merchants pack up, sell their fruit and veg for a song.

5pm: We remove most things from the deck, and leave the rest to ride it out. 80 mph hour winds are predicted at ground level, 100 mph up here. What does that sound like, I wonder?

7pm: The New York transit system closes down, as do schools and the NYSE; the first time since 9-11. Stay home, stay safe, urges Mayor Bloomberg.

8pm: Skies are ominously quiet, the air deceivingly warm and still. Hard to believe there’s a hurricane a’comin’. My tummy knots up.

Monday, October 29

3am: Glass breaks, sirens scream, sheet metal goes flying somewhere too close. I consider moving my bed away from the window.

10am: A mother screams at her child to come inside. Streets still full of people gathering supplies, just in case.

3pm: The storm is expected to reach land in a few hours. 9pm they say. Items on the building’s roof deck have been secured. The wind intensifies in furious bursts. It’s a wind I’ve never known, or felt before.

6pm: She’s coming closer. I hear her. I feel her. Another crash of metal below. I move my bed into the hall, well away from windows and possible flying objects. The Live news stream reveals the devastation. Sirens and more sirens. The wind makes conversation difficult. Over and over we stop and listen. We drink wine and wait for the stew to cook. Strangely, we still have power and we sleep.

Tuesday, October 30

The rain subsides and we head out for a walk. Downed trees block roads, tree limbs hang precariously over sidewalks, dislocated traffic signs out of commission. Yellow tape is everywhere warning ‘Stay Out’, but this is New York and nobody listens. A man shouts at his kid for shouting. I wished he hadn’t.

This is the Upper East Side and damage is minimal. Lower Manhattan has taken a beating. They have no power; the tunnels and subways are flooded. So too is the World Trade Centre construction site. The NYSE is closed for a second day. NYU is closed. Schools are closed. The subway is closed. The few stores open for business enjoy long line–ups and plenty of chatter. ‘Hunter’ wellies are everywhere (all the fashion in New York).

Wednesday, October 31

The Halloween costume parade in Greenwich Village is called off for the first time in its 39-year history. Trick-or-treating has been cancelled south of 39^thStreet. No candy this year kids.

So many here have lost so much. As Sandy’s full impact becomes clear over the hours, days and weeks ahead, today’s words from Seth Godin remind us this is the only time we have:

In the face of billions of dollars of destruction, of the loss of life, of families disrupted, it’s easy to wonder what we were so hung up on just a few days ago. There’s never been a better opportunity to step up and make an impact, while we’ve got the chance… Maybe even today.

How about you?

What are you putting off until the time is right?

Living the Life of Riley?

Posted on October 8, 2012 by Becky

Sometimes our past is done before our future seems quite ready.

~ Julia Cameron

Four months have passed since my return to Canada and a decidedly wonderful way of living, without routine or constraints, continues to be my daily blessing.

Some say I’m living the dream. I call it the second dream (the first was swept away in a tsunami of sorts). Be it a perma-vacation or ‘living the life of Riley’ I’m not sure. All I am sure about is that I am not sure of anything.

Over the years, having grown accustomed to a life regulated by school bells, it’s proven a challenge to shape-a-day in their absence. I choose the time I wake, the way I spend my days, and ponder the demise of my old work ethic. There’s not a night that passes without a deep gratitude for living this way.

It’s a good fit me. At least for now. Some are curious, some envious, some judgmental, some inspired, others clearly puzzled by my choice. Surely I must want something more certain, more permanent? Call me jaded but ‘been there, done that’. I like to call it a time of redefinition, to reimagine a different future, one with more autonomy and no school bells.

Allowing the Universe to work its strange and wondrous magic takes an ease and quiet afforded to retirees and those like me. The flip side being with too little stress and few deadlines, the mental acuity slips and the brain power, along with the belly, grows a little plump around the edges. With that in mind, here’s what I’m doing these days…

Vast amounts of time are spent figuring out how to best convey and share my life experiences. Typically however, the floods of inspiration that claim my nights are annihilated by daybreak. Besides, procrastination is way more fun. The wealth of information available at my fingertips encourages hours absorbed in reading, responding, thinking.∞

Here are a few other things I’ve been up to:

* launched a Facebook Page (Joyful Mourning) about the joy and gratitude of having lost a loved one. Photos and thought-provoking questions posted daily.